O Canada, Eh?

A running joke among people I know is that if anyone of them is hijacked, the first thing they are going to declare by way of self-preservation is that they are Canadian, because apparently no one hates Canadians. I have often wondered if this could, in those certainly tense moments, actually work. If the hijacker were not of North American (and specifically English-speaking) decent, the short answer to this is probably yes, if one were judged on accent alone. The Canadian dialect, at least the one which prevails in Ontario and westward, is remarkably homogeneous and similar to the American dialect of the regions to the immediate south. There are, however, distinctions in pronunciation and vocabulary that would seal a would-be hijackee’s fate should an interrogator be astute enough to explore them. And the dialect of Canadians east of Quebec is more different and distinct still, peppered with Scots, Gaelic, French, and Native American words and pronunciations.

So, with apologies to the original authors of the Worst Case Scenario Handbook series, I present to you the following:

How to Pass for a Canadian

(A useful skill for any North American English speaker)

1. DO NOT PANIC AND OVERUSE THE “EH.”

This “national tic” is universally known as the Canadian form of verbal punctuation, true, but you must not overuse the idiom. Use it only when necessary, such as for clarification (The bathroom is in the back, eh?) (McCrum et al, p.264) Also be warned that this idiom is also popular with “Yoopers,” or persons residing in the upper peninsula of the State of Michigan.

2. THERE IS NO DISTINCTIVE CANADIAN GRAMMAR

Spelling is influenced both by American English and British English, and pronunciation and vocabulary follows the same vein. Make sure you research which is used where! For example, if you need to ask where the faucet or sink is, you had better call it a tap. But if you smell a petrol leak, you’d better call it gas. (Ibid., p.263) Also, if you are talking about schedules, it had better sound like Wisconsin, whereas any progress you speak of should sound like London. (Ibid, p.265)

3. DO USE THE ‘CANADIAN RAISING’

The diphthong “ou” is probably one of the most recognizable aspects of Canadian speech after “eh”; it changes words like “out” and “about” into “oat” and “aboat.” Contrary to popular belief, however, it is not the same as the “oo” in Scots dialect, and caution should be taken not to confuse the two, perhaps to your peril, unless you are claiming to be from Nova Scotia. (See Item #5) (Ibid., p.267)

4. DO USE DISTINCTLY CANADIAN CONTRIBUTIONS TO ENGLISH

Words having to do with ice hockey (puck, face-off, etc.), historical exploration (pemmican, caribou, muskrat, papoose) and random terms like “chesterfield” (sofa) are Canadian contributions, some through other influencing languages (specifically Native American and French.) (Ibid., 263,265)

5. DO BE AWARE OF WHAT REGION YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO EMULATE

East of Ontario, the language of Canada is much more diverse and distinct. Aside from the Francophones, you have such examples as the Newfoundlanders (largely Gaelic, due to the servants deposited seasonally by ship-owners since 1583), and the Nova Scotians (largely Scots, Highland at that, and if you can’t appreciate fiddle tunes or whistle ditties from the latest Natalie Mac Master set, you’d best avoid this one), both of which have distinct dialects of their own.