O Canada, Eh?

A running joke among people I know is that if anyone of them is hijacked, the first thing they are going to declare by way of self-preservation is that they are Canadian, because apparently no one hates Canadians. I have often wondered if this could, in those certainly tense moments, actually work. If the hijacker were not of North American (and specifically English-speaking) decent, the short answer to this is probably yes, if one were judged on accent alone. The Canadian dialect, at least the one which prevails in Ontario and westward, is remarkably homogeneous and similar to the American dialect of the regions to the immediate south. There are, however, distinctions in pronunciation and vocabulary that would seal a would-be hijackee’s fate should an interrogator be astute enough to explore them. And the dialect of Canadians east of Quebec is more different and distinct still, peppered with Scots, Gaelic, French, and Native American words and pronunciations.

So, with apologies to the original authors of the Worst Case Scenario Handbook series, I present to you the following:

How to Pass for a Canadian

(A useful skill for any North American English speaker)

1. DO NOT PANIC AND OVERUSE THE “EH.”

This “national tic” is universally known as the Canadian form of verbal punctuation, true, but you must not overuse the idiom. Use it only when necessary, such as for clarification (The bathroom is in the back, eh?) (McCrum et al, p.264) Also be warned that this idiom is also popular with “Yoopers,” or persons residing in the upper peninsula of the State of Michigan.

2. THERE IS NO DISTINCTIVE CANADIAN GRAMMAR

Spelling is influenced both by American English and British English, and pronunciation and vocabulary follows the same vein. Make sure you research which is used where! For example, if you need to ask where the faucet or sink is, you had better call it a tap. But if you smell a petrol leak, you’d better call it gas. (Ibid., p.263) Also, if you are talking about schedules, it had better sound like Wisconsin, whereas any progress you speak of should sound like London. (Ibid, p.265)

3. DO USE THE ‘CANADIAN RAISING’

The diphthong “ou” is probably one of the most recognizable aspects of Canadian speech after “eh”; it changes words like “out” and “about” into “oat” and “aboat.” Contrary to popular belief, however, it is not the same as the “oo” in Scots dialect, and caution should be taken not to confuse the two, perhaps to your peril, unless you are claiming to be from Nova Scotia. (See Item #5) (Ibid., p.267)

4. DO USE DISTINCTLY CANADIAN CONTRIBUTIONS TO ENGLISH

Words having to do with ice hockey (puck, face-off, etc.), historical exploration (pemmican, caribou, muskrat, papoose) and random terms like “chesterfield” (sofa) are Canadian contributions, some through other influencing languages (specifically Native American and French.) (Ibid., 263,265)

5. DO BE AWARE OF WHAT REGION YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO EMULATE

East of Ontario, the language of Canada is much more diverse and distinct. Aside from the Francophones, you have such examples as the Newfoundlanders (largely Gaelic, due to the servants deposited seasonally by ship-owners since 1583), and the Nova Scotians (largely Scots, Highland at that, and if you can’t appreciate fiddle tunes or whistle ditties from the latest Natalie Mac Master set, you’d best avoid this one), both of which have distinct dialects of their own.

Bang the Eliot Slowly

So the OED is not so prudish with this definition. They include the usual:

1. a. A heavy resounding blow, a thump.

1601 Shakes. Jul. C. iii. iii. 20 You'l beare me a bang for that I feare.

And of course you have

2. a. A sudden, violent or explosive noise; e.g. the report of fire-arms.

both of which seem to be in line with the original Old Norse and Old Swedish definitions, meaning a "hammering." Would that this blog program would allow me to reproduce the IPA pronuncuation of this word, but having the a+e vowel plus the nasal ng symbol, it just isn't clever enough to cut and paste. But please trust me when I say that this word is echoic!

If we look further, though, we have a bit more fun. We get into the doomsday effect:

c. spec. A nuclear explosion.
1957 J. Osborne Look back in Anger iii. i, If the big bang does come, and we all get killed off, it won't be in aid of the old-fashioned grand design.

Funny that no mention is made here to the Big Bang Theory at all; could this point towards a dictionary bias towards intelligent design?

But then we have these gems:
4. colloq. A ‘thumping’ lie, a banger; bang-words: explosive epithets, ‘swear’ words.

5. [Cf. bang n.3] Excitement, pleasure; a ‘kick’. U.S. slang
1931 D. Runyon Guys & Dolls (1932) vi. 129 He seems to be getting a great bang out of the doings.

(Where WOULD we be without Broadway?)

6. [Cf. bang v.1 11.] An act of sexual intercourse. slang.

Yeah, hmmm.... makes me think of a bad joke my dad and I made up at the hardware store today while purchasing a fruit picker and noticing the hoes on sale. Don't ask.

But my favorite definition:

b. With allusion to T. S. Eliot's line (see quot. 1925).
1925 T. S. Eliot Hollow Men v. 31 in Poems 99 This is the way the world ends Not with a bang but a whimper.

1931 R. Aldington Colonel's Daughter i. 56, I wish you'd all shoot yourselves with a bang, instead of continuing to whimper.

So, our weekly CRS blog challenge, let's see if we can use all these in a poem:

Open Letter to the Hollow Men (with apologies to T.S. Eliot)

Bang! the door of Time's winged chariot slammed
On the hem of your twice-rolled trousers.
And I would not eat that peach if I were you --
Teeth or no teeth, its lived through the bang of Hiroshima
Both radiant and old. (Can you be both as well?)
If men were horses surely you'd face the bang of a musket.
(More mercy, perhaps than the bang-words of teens
Who mock your short pants and thinning hair.)
You ask if you are old when a lover turns away
After a bang, and declares herself unsatisfied.
I cannot answer that, you see
I cannot answer that at all.

But if I were you at the end of the world,
If I were you at the end of the world,
If I were you at the end of the world,
I'd go out with a bang, not a whimper.

Going Ballistic on the OED

a. Of or pertaining to the throwing of missiles; projectile.

This is the only definition given for this word; methinks perhaps its modern use, i.e. to go ballistic has not been officially incorporated into the dictionary as yet. The problem I see here is that I can think of a lot of films where this phrase is used, but I am pretty sure they want printed proof when submitting definitions. I will have to keep an eye out.

It seems this word is of French decent... I am reminded of Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail; yes, indeed one could argue that the French have a penchant for tossing things (cows, trojan rabbits, etc.)