tha ting 'bout spelin is, well, aks Bill bout is

Spelling. I used to do it. I used to be good at it. I am still enough of a perfectionist that I consider written material to be finished only when things are spelled according to the laws of current English (the exception being when things are misspelled for effect, such as my sophomoric jab at the lecherous boob that once dared to sit in my friend Tom Jefferson's chair.)

My ability to spell went downhill when I began to study French. To this day, I have to concentrate really hard to remember if words like "dance" are spelled with an "s" or a "c." So I use the spell checker. But I do not rely on it. Spell-check is a tool, not a miracle. I have always had a hard time getting this across to my students. I always prayed that someday they would get their/they're/there acts together. My biggest problem these days is that I am usually anxious to get something written, as I have precious few hours to write. So, my choices are either to get hung up on spelling and risk wearing out the backspace and delete buttons on the computer keyboard, or I can just plough on and edit later.

Do I think spelling is that important? It depends. On a sociological level, spelling seems to separate the educated from the masses, that is, you can sometimes determine someone's intelligence by their ability to spell properly. But there is a huge difference between those who cannot spell and those who choose not to learn. Case in point: I have a friend who is among the most intelligent, insightful and witty writers I have ever met. He is a librarian, and all libraries should be jealous of the one that got him. But for as long as I have known him, he has had issues with spelling. It is just part of him, and he has to work a bit harder at corrections in the editing phase.

Now, where spelling can make a obelisk out of a vertical pebble is in this next situation. This same friend wrote to a friend who was away at college. Now, admittedly, this UW guy was always told he was exceptionally smart (which he was) and sometimes could be a didactic pain in the neck. He decided to return this future librarian's letter to him covered in red circles indicating spelling errors. Granted, he was spot on as far as there being errors, but come on! This is a case of a spelling zealot going too far. Lucky for him, the librarian is the forgiving sort. But to my knowledge, it was years before he received another letter.

It is because of this orthographic tragedy that I am careful to distinguish among my students those who have spelling difficulties, and those who choose not to learn.

As for emoticons used in lieu of spelling, they are cute, I guess. I don't really use them except when I am conversing with someone who IS using them in an instant message situation. Diplomacy is a lost art -- people sometimes think they can say the most awful (but often truthful) things online as long as they follow it with an emoticon smiley face. I hereby challenge all who would stoop to such diversionary tactics to bring the berserker to the Allthing properly and in a manner that will get you elected chieftain of the village with mere words.

Unless of course you are meaning to be cute. Then by all means, don't be the blushing yellow head, lead with your grinning teeth! (those two smileys are my favorites, by the way -- that and the sheep!)

advertising is a field where, like the pirate's code, spelling is more of a guideline than a rule. You have your basics: Nite for night, rite for right (when not referring to a religious ceremony, that is), Dayz for days, etc. I once saw a billboard with the slogan R U Pregnant? I was struck by the fact that this only makes sense in English -- you cannot do this kind of substitution in other languages. Then of course you have your anachronistic spellings for effect: anything Ye Olde or Shoppe, etc. Some of my favorite typos or mistakes include the menu for the Peking House Chinese restaurant which used to read "Reking House" and the sign for the ferry to Washington Island that briefly, allegedly due to local urchin's tomfoolery, read "prices include sex."

(There is a great essay in the book I am reading, The Way We Talk Now, by Geoffrey Nunberg, which talks about advertising. I will save discussion of it until we get to the grammar-y bits later in this course. )

My favorite sign, however, is correctly spelled, but still one of those things that causes much rubbernecking and amazement for all who are new to Southern Wisconsin:
The Bong Recreation Area
(actually named for Richard I. Bong, a WWI pilot hero)