As per this weeks challenge: I could not post but one, here are my favorite two.
One of my favorite scenes from two of my favorite characters in all of Shakespeare: Benedick and Beatrice from Much Ado About Nothing. This scene, from Act One, scene one, establishes what is earlier described by Signior Leonato as the "merry war betwixt them." My former students, Lauren Pockl and Tony Shimek, performed what is still my favorite version of this in 2000.
BEATRICE
I wonder that you will still be talking, Signior
Benedick: nobody marks you.
BENEDICK
What, my dear Lady Disdain! are you yet living?
BEATRICE
Is it possible disdain should die while she hath
such meet food to feed it as Signior Benedick?
Courtesy itself must convert to disdain, if you come
in her presence.
BENEDICK
Then is courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I
am loved of all ladies, only you excepted: and I
would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard
heart; for, truly, I love none.
BEATRICE
A dear happiness to women: they would else have
been troubled with a pernicious suitor. I thank God
and my cold blood, I am of your humour for that: I
had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man
swear he loves me.
BENEDICK
God keep your ladyship still in that mind! so some
gentleman or other shall 'scape a predestinate
scratched face.
BEATRICE
Scratching could not make it worse, an 'twere such
a face as yours were.
BENEDICK
Well, you are a rare parrot-teacher.
BEATRICE
A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours.
BENEDICK
I would my horse had the speed of your tongue, and
so good a continuer. But keep your way, i' God's
name; I have done.
BEATRICE
You always end with a jade's trick: I know you of old.
And now, per Prof. Maltman's request, the same passage in the original Elizabethan English:
From the First Folio
Beat. I wonder that you will still be talking, signior
Benedicke, no body markes you
Ben. What my deere Ladie Disdaine! are you yet liuing?
Beat. Is it possible Disdaine should die, while shee hath such meete foode to feede it, as Signior Benedicke?
Curtesie it selfe must conuert to Disdaine, if you come in
her presence
Bene. Then is curtesie a turne-coate, but it is certaine I am loued of all Ladies, onely you excepted: and
I would I could finde in my heart that I had not a hard
heart, for truely I loue none
Beat. A deere happinesse to women, they would else haue beene troubled with a pernitious Suter, I thanke
God and my cold blood, I am of your humour for that, I
had rather heare my Dog barke at a Crow, than a man
sweare he loues me
Bene. God keepe your Ladiship still in that minde, so some Gentleman or other shall scape a predestinate
scratcht face
Beat. Scratching could not make it worse, and 'twere such a face as yours were
Bene. Well, you are a rare Parrat teacher Beat. A bird of my tongue, is better than a beast of your
Ben. I would my horse had the speed of your tongue, and so good a continuer, but keepe your way a Gods
name, I haue done
Beat. You alwaies end with a Iades tricke, I know you of old
My other favorite is from the same play, but concerns the scene Shakespeare likely wrote to please the groundlings -- those salts of the earth who occupied the less desirable standing-room-only spots in the center of the Globe, happily being rained on if needs be by the time act V rolled around. This scene, from Act Four, Scene two, involves the interrogation of two liars by Dogberry, the local counstable, who is described later by the Prince, Don Pedro, as "too brilliant to be understood." Note that in the first folio, he is not referred to by name, simply as "keeper." I am uncertain as to when exactly the name "Dogberry" appeared. You can imagine the meaning of the name -- the Aussie's have their own special name for such a thing on a sheep -- a dag.
And again, I have a favorite performance of this -- Jill Daubner and Katie Tierney from the same class. (Jill's brother, Jon, actually popped out of the audience and played the Sextant when one of our actors fell ill at the last second. The result was more than I could have arranged!) Their class had 11 girls and 3 boys, and these two bravely took on the comic parts of Dogberry and Verges, adding their own inspired visual humor including strange hair and a curtain call with a half-eaten apple. I still giggle when I think of their dancing in the revelling scenes.
Act 4, Scene II
SCENE II. A prison.
Enter DOGBERRY, VERGES, and Sexton, in gowns; and the Watch, with CONRADE and BORACHIO
DOGBERRY
Is our whole dissembly appeared?
VERGES
O, a stool and a cushion for the sexton.
Sexton
Which be the malefactors?
DOGBERRY
Marry, that am I and my partner.
VERGES
Nay, that's certain; we have the exhibition to examine.
Sexton
But which are the offenders that are to be
examined? let them come before master constable.
DOGBERRY
Yea, marry, let them come before me. What is your
name, friend?
BORACHIO
Borachio.
DOGBERRY
Pray, write down, Borachio. Yours, sirrah?
CONRADE
I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.
DOGBERRY
Write down, master gentleman Conrade. Masters, do
you serve God?
CONRADE BORACHIO
Yea, sir, we hope.
DOGBERRY
Write down, that they hope they serve God: and
write God first; for God defend but God should go
before such villains! Masters, it is proved already
that you are little better than false knaves; and it
will go near to be thought so shortly. How answer
you for yourselves?
CONRADE
Marry, sir, we say we are none.
DOGBERRY
A marvellous witty fellow, I assure you: but I
will go about with him. Come you hither, sirrah; a
word in your ear: sir, I say to you, it is thought
you are false knaves.
BORACHIO
Sir, I say to you we are none.
DOGBERRY
Well, stand aside. 'Fore God, they are both in a
tale. Have you writ down, that they are none?
Sexton
Master constable, you go not the way to examine:
you must call forth the watch that are their accusers.
DOGBERRY
Yea, marry, that's the eftest way. Let the watch
come forth. Masters, I charge you, in the prince's
name, accuse these men.
First Watchman
This man said, sir, that Don John, the prince's
brother, was a villain.
DOGBERRY
Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is flat
perjury, to call a prince's brother villain.
BORACHIO
Master constable,--
DOGBERRY
Pray thee, fellow, peace: I do not like thy look,
I promise thee.
Sexton
What heard you him say else?
Second Watchman
Marry, that he had received a thousand ducats of
Don John for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.
DOGBERRY
Flat burglary as ever was committed.
VERGES
Yea, by mass, that it is.
Sexton
What else, fellow?
First Watchman
And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to
disgrace Hero before the whole assembly. and not marry her.
DOGBERRY
O villain! thou wilt be condemned into everlasting
redemption for this.
Sexton
What else?
Watchman
This is all.
Sexton
And this is more, masters, than you can deny.
Prince John is this morning secretly stolen away;
Hero was in this manner accused, in this very manner
refused, and upon the grief of this suddenly died.
Master constable, let these men be bound, and
brought to Leonato's: I will go before and show
him their examination.
Exit
DOGBERRY
Come, let them be opinioned.
VERGES
Let them be in the hands--
CONRADE
Off, coxcomb!
DOGBERRY
God's my life, where's the sexton? let him write
down the prince's officer coxcomb. Come, bind them.
Thou naughty varlet!
CONRADE
Away! you are an ass, you are an ass.
DOGBERRY
Dost thou not suspect my place? dost thou not
suspect my years? O that he were here to write me
down an ass! But, masters, remember that I am an
ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not
that I am an ass. No, thou villain, thou art full of
piety, as shall be proved upon thee by good witness.
I am a wise fellow, and, which is more, an officer,
and, which is more, a householder, and, which is
more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in
Messina, and one that knows the law, go to; and a
rich fellow enough, go to; and a fellow that hath
had losses, and one that hath two gowns and every
thing handsome about him. Bring him away. O that
I had been writ down an ass!
Exeunt
And now, per Prof. Maltman's request, the same passage in the original Elizabethan English:
Same scene, from the first folio:
Enter the Constables, Borachio, and the Towne Clerke in gownes.
Keeper. Is our whole dissembly appeard? Cowley. O a stoole and a cushion for the Sexton Sexton. Which be the malefactors? Andrew. Marry that am I, and my partner Cowley. Nay that's certaine, wee haue the exhibition to examine
Sexton. But which are the offenders that are to be examined, let them come before master Constable
Kemp. Yea marry, let them come before mee, what is your name, friend?
Bor. Borachio Kem. Pray write downe Borachio. Yours sirra Con. I am a Gentleman sir, and my name is Conrade Kee. Write downe Master gentleman Conrade: maisters, doe you serue God: maisters, it is proued alreadie
that you are little better than false knaues, and it will goe
neere to be thought so shortly, how answer you for your
selues?
Con. Marry sir, we say we are none Kemp. A maruellous witty fellow I assure you, but I will goe about with him: come you hither sirra, a word
in your eare sir, I say to you, it is thought you are false
knaues
Bor. Sir, I say to you, we are none Kemp. Well, stand aside, 'fore God they are both in a tale: haue you writ downe that they are none?
Sext. Master Constable, you goe not the way to examine, you must call forth the watch that are their accusers
Kemp. Yea marry, that's the eftest way, let the watch come forth: masters, I charge you in the Princes name,
accuse these men
Watch 1. This man said sir, that Don Iohn the Princes brother was a villaine
Kemp. Write down, Prince Iohn a villaine: why this
is flat periurie, to call a Princes brother villaine
Bora. Master Constable Kemp. Pray thee fellow peace, I do not like thy looke I promise thee
Sexton. What heard you him say else? Watch 2. Mary that he had receiued a thousand Dukates of Don Iohn, for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully
Kemp. Flat Burglarie as euer was committed Const. Yea by th' masse that it is Sexton. What else fellow? Watch 1. And that Count Claudio did meane vpon his words, to disgrace Hero before the whole assembly, and
not marry her
Kemp. O villaine! thou wilt be condemn'd into euerlasting redemption for this
Sexton. What else? Watch. This is all Sexton. And this is more masters then you can deny, Prince Iohn is this morning secretly stolne away: Hero
was in this manner accus'd, in this very manner refus'd,
and vpon the griefe of this sodainely died: Master Constable,
let these men be bound, and brought to Leonato,
I will goe before, and shew him their examination
Const. Come, let them be opinion'd Sex. Let them be in the hands of Coxcombe Kem. Gods my life, where's the Sexton? let him write downe the Princes Officer Coxcombe: come, binde them
thou naughty varlet
Couley. Away, you are an asse, you are an asse Kemp. Dost thou not suspect my place? dost thou not suspect my yeeres? O that hee were heere to write mee
downe an asse! but masters, remember that I am an asse:
though it be not written down, yet forget not y I am an
asse: No thou villaine, y art full of piety as shall be prou'd
vpon thee by good witnesse, I am a wise fellow, and
which is more, an officer, and which is more, a houshoulder,
and which is more, as pretty a peece of flesh as any in
Messina, and one that knowes the Law, goe to, & a rich
fellow enough, goe to, and a fellow that hath had losses,
and one that hath two gownes, and euery thing handsome
about him: bring him away: O that I had been writ
downe an asse!
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